The Autumns of my Past

Autumn always has me reminiscing. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's the sweet smell of wood and BBQs in the air. Maybe it's sound of children screaming and laughing and playing in the yards around me. Whatever it is, I am reminiscing with Autumn again and boy are these memories special. They make me laugh, they make me cry. Most importantly they remind me of how lucky I really am. I have shared these memories with people and these are thoughts that I will never let rest. These are moments that not even the cruelest villain could take away from me. Most of these Autumn memories involve people that are no longer in my life. That is the part that makes me cry. It's okay, I am okay because I know that I wouldn't be here today had it not been for these wonderful people loving and leaving me. These memories are so special and everyone that takes a moment to read my blog is special enough to hear the sweet sorrows and the sweet smiles of the Autumns of my past. So, what does Autumn remind me of?

As I sit here on my back porch with my 3 kitties by my side I think of how grateful I am to be here in this house and in this town. This is my first Autumn here, so all of my memories lie in the my hometown and in the minds of others. I close my eyes for a moment and let it wander back to those moments. I am suddenly overcome with joy at the first thought that comes to my mind. So, what does Autumn remind me of?

Autumn reminds of driving an hour with my two best friends to seek more from my all time lover, healer, and father. Every Tuesday night we would drive an hour to attend a night dedicated to worshiping the Lord. No, I am not religious. I have never been nor will I ever be religious or push my beliefs on you. I will never judge you, I will only love you. That is something I learned in the Autumns of my past. We would drive an hour, with Christian Alternative Rock blaring on the radio, the windows down with the cool (Florida cool) wild blowing through our wild and crazy hair. Laughing and singing and dancing and talking. we would stop at Panera for some sort of seasonal coffee, which always had us overly hyper at church. In fact, It was about this time, 6:30 PM. The sun was slowly fading, leaving a beautiful pink and orange sky for us to thank God for. we would go to church and mingle. We would pray and sing and heal until our hearts felt so filled with joy that we could barely contain it. We could have done this every day. These moments could have lasted me my entire life. So, what does Autumn remind me of?

Autumn reminds me of an old best friend. It reminds me of our crazy and fun adventures together. We were only teenagers and we loved life to the fullest. We would ride around in her jeep with the windows OFF (yes off). We would fly down the rode blaring country, rap, and R&b. Yes, we were rebels. We would drive past boys houses that we liked. We would sing and laugh so hard that we would cry. We would gossip, just like girls do. We would use up the last of our money on gas, food, and bargain shopping at a cheap jewelry store. We would cry with each other over silly songs and then laugh about it afterward. We always had something fun going on. We made our own adventures and didn't need money to have fun. Our lives were so fun and easy then. My fondest memories of her involved us flying down dirt roads as fast as we could and laughin until our side ached. The Autumns of my past were always so good to me. So, what does Autumn remind me of?

Autumn reminds me of fighting a Black Friday crowd (for the first time ever) just to buy a pair of sweatpants (that were not on sale). It was the first time that I had seen him in months. He surely had a hold on me. We were getting to know each other and enjoying our time together. We knew that he was only days away from going miles away to his home in the barracks. Autumn reminds me of running through a hotel, getting ice, then spilling it all over the lobby floor, and laughing about it as the front desk employee glared at us. It reminds me of laughing, cuddling to keep warm. Autumn reminds me of a blue treasured hat, a soft flowery blanket, and a promise that was never kept. Autumn reminds me of a love blossoming and ending all the same. It reminds me of a sweet Autumn romance that was over before it began. So, what does Autumn remind me of?

When I think of the Autumns of my past, I can only smile because they were so bitter sweet. They were moments and memories that will last forever in my heart and my mind. With the wind blowing, the kids laughing, the BBQs roaring, I can only sit back on this porch, in this new town, in this new home, in this new life and smile because Autumn has always been so good to me.