It’s 12 am and I am watching YouTube videos and crying. I watched a video about a family losing their 13-year-old son to natural causes. It breaks my heart to think of a family losing a child, much less a child at such a young age. Just like my wild mind does, it wandered.
Let’s just say that I am a worrier. I think about the worst that could happen all the time. I wouldn’t say that I am a pessimist, though. I feel like I mentally prepare for things that could happen or maybe I am just crazy. I don’t know.
Tonight my mind wandered to my mother. I thought about her addiction and how it’s going to take her from this world too soon. I thought of a conversation we before she moved out about a month ago. I was finally standing up and confronting her about her addiction. It was in a very passive way, so don’t pat me on the back. I told her that she needed to just forget about the people in our hometown. “They are all bad influences,” I told her. “But they are the only friends I have,” she responded. I told her that she would make new friends when she found a job, real friends. She got very frustrated with me and ended the conversation, grunting, “I’ve only got a good 10 years left in me anyways.”
That was the moment that I knew she didn’t want to try anymore. She was over the sober life, which was incredibly shortlived. I realized that, to her, normal life is boring. Weekly tv shows, cooking with your family, maintaining a home, doctor visits, local events, working for a living – BORING.
She’s addicted to the fast life.
She’s addicted to the high.
She’s a 49-year-old addict that doesn’t think she has a problem.
She’s a 49 year old addict that may never make it to 59.
I feel like I am watching her die and I can’t do anything about it. I am watching her mind crumble right before my very eyes. I am watching her skin deteriorate, as she picks the sores that the chemicals from her Meth addiction have caused. I am watching her health spiral out of control. I am watching my mom give up on life. I am watching her give into her drug addiction.
And I can’t do anything about it.
Thank you for reading another volume in the Pretties TCOAA (The Child of An Addict) Addiction Series. This is a series to raise drug addiction awareness. I decided to begin this series when I realized how many people were curious about me being the child of an addict. This was just life for me growing up. I never realized, until I became an adult, that I didn’t grow up like everyone else. Yes, I had friends with parents that were amazing. I knew that my childhood was different, I just didn’t realize that it was interesting or a learning experience for other people… Read the Full Back Story here
DISCLOSURE: The opinions expressed here are that of Women and Their Pretties only. While the products in this post were given complimentary (unless otherwise stated) for promotional purposes, that does not alter my opinion of the product(s) mentioned. This post may contain sponsored links and affiliate links (which will be stated at the beginning of the post). Read Full Disclosure Here