Addiction

Being a Child of An Addict – Pretties Addiction Series Vol. 1

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Pretties Addiction Series Vol. 1#TCOAA

I don’t remember the day before my mom became an addict. I couldn’t tell you the moment that everything changed or when she lost that beautiful spark that all mothers have. Maybe I just don’t remember that far back or maybe the years of trauma have completely clouded my mind. I do remember the days when my mom wasn’t herself. As if I were outside of my body, looking in. I can see my 8 year old self staring up at my mommy and wondering why she was being weird. I remember thinking, “What’s wrong with my mommy?” I can still feel the nausea in my little tummy; a feeling that I got every time she was “acting funny”. My mommy was a part of me. I didn’t know what addiction was, but I knew something was seriously wrong. 

After years of watching my mother scream, fight, cry, and disappear into her room for hours, I kinda knew what was going on. I had walked in on her with a lighter and aluminum foil in her hands time and time again. I was a very shy child. I never spoke about it or asked any questions. By her reaction to “getting caught” by me, I knew that this was something that I wasn’t meant to see. The day that I first walked in on my mom getting high, was the very first time that I felt like I wasn’t a child anymore. By age 10, I no longer felt connected to the person that I used to call Mommy.

[ctt title=”Now Reading – The TCOAA Pretties Addiction Series – Vol. 1 Meth is a monster that steals souls” tweet=”#NowReading – The #TCOAA Pretties Addiction Series – Vol. 1 “Meth is a monster that steals souls” by – @JoyceDuboise http://ctt.ec/x9dcT+” coverup=”x9dcT”]

See, the thing about Meth is that it takes a beautiful person, rips out their heart, and replaces it with an evil being that you no longer recognize. It takes the person that you once knew and turns them into a monster that you fear. It’s not a fear of them, but a fear for them. You fear that their souls will be stolen forever. You fear that the monster will take their life before it can be saved. That’s why I call Meth a monster. It’s evil, disgusting, sickening, and shameful. It turned my mother into someone that I didn’t know; someone that I didn’t want to be around. It changed my mother forever and in turn, I was changed forever. 

[ctt title=”TCOAA – Meth turned my mother into someone that I didn’t know, someone that I didn’t want to be around.” tweet=””Meth turned my mother into someone that I didn’t know; someone that I didn’t want to be around.” by – @JoyceDuboise http://ctt.ec/R8JEX+” coverup=”R8JEX”]

My innocence was stolen in more ways than one. My memories turned distant and cold. This idea of a “TV family” was non existent in my mind anymore. It’s hard to have hope, when you’re a child who’s only experienced disappointment, pain, and fear. Meth aint no joke and be a child of an addict is a lifelong battle. How do you give up on your mom?

Read More Posts from the Pretties Addiction Series Here

#TCOAA Pretties Addiction Series (1)

My name is Joyce and my mom is a drug addict. My mom has a meth addiction.

Thank you for reading another volume in the Pretties TCOAA (The Child of An Addict) Addiction Series. This is a series to raise drug addiction awareness. I decided to begin this series when I realized how many people were curious about me being the child of an addict. This was just life for me growing up. I never realized until I became an adult, that I didn’t grow up like everyone else. Yes, I had friends with parents that were amazing. I knew that my childhood was different, I just didn’t realize that it was interesting or a learning experience for other people…   Read the Full Back Story here

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DISCLOSURE: The opinions expressed here are that of Women and Their Pretties only. While the products in this post were given complimentary (with an exception for Amazon roundups) for promotional purposes, that does not alter my opinion of the product(s) mentioned. This post may contain sponsored links and affiliate links (which will be stated at the beginning of the post). Read Full Disclosure Here

15 Comments

  1. Oh honey…my heart is hurting, and I have tears running down my cheeks while I read this. I can’t imagine having to live with something like this. Knowing that the one person in the entire world, that is supposed to shield me, and protect me, is gone, but sitting right in front of my face. I don’t think people understand, what that can do to a child. I never experienced addiction in the way that you did, but I have dealt with the aftershocks of it, and they can break your heart, piss you off, and cause you to self destruct because you don’t know what else to do. As I get to know more about you, I can see that you have overcome so much, but I have a feeling that there is so much more to your story…a story that I think everyone should read. You never know who it will help.

    1. Thank you for reading. Your comment brings tears to my eyes because I barely remember her ever being a protector or role model to me. I wanted to write about my experiences because I don’t think anyone really knows how a child feels when their mom is an addict. Being that my mom was my sole provider, I didn’t have another place to go to while she was doing all of this crazy stuff. I am going to keep writing (every two weeks) and I hope that you will keep reading <3

  2. So sad. But it has made you who you are today! I love you! Always have. And have always admired how strong you are. You are so special. To come from THIS and be the person you are, is amazing. You are stronger than you think you are. You have so much more to accomplish and I’m so happy for you!

  3. Wow, such a powerful story. My heart is breaking for you. My own memories of my mother are comforting and warm. Addiction is such an awful thing. I can’t imagine how strong you must have had to be as a child.

  4. It takes a brave and mature soul to open up the way that you have, that you are, and I hope it is part of your own personal healing process.
    Sending you healing energy and lots of love.

  5. Are you looking to have other bloggers share their story, too? I have a story to share from my childhood that’s very similar. And I appreciate you being so honest and open about your experiences. <3

  6. I do feel for you. My father is an addict. I was lucky to have been spared not being raised with him in the household. I can’t even imagine the range of emotions you must have felt seeing how addiction gripped your mother.

  7. This. Wow. Crying. So much. I love you girl, I really do. I am so so sorry that you had to go through all of this. It takes a strong person to open up about it and put it out there. Good for you. I hope this helps you heal, if only a little bit. You deserve so much better than this.

  8. I Knew there was something about you but I had no clue what. I have wanted to reach out and hug you since the beginning but in a way an empty-nested mother wants to go back and hug her children for things that went wrong or that couldn’t be made perfect. I know a little that you are feeling and with tears pouring down my face I implore not to stop here. Seek more help. Addiction makes everyone close to that person feel so much less than they really are. To me you are a beautiful person with a beautiful spirit.

  9. I want to reach through the computer and hug you so hard. I have been both the child of an alcoholic father and all the dysfunction of living that life, the wife of an abusive alcoholic who shredded away every ounce of my self esteem, and the mother of a meth addict. I don’t know which is the worst of all but I guess my son has caused me the most pain. Over the years I developed a way of just crawling into myself when my husband went on a tirade or my father called me names, but with my son it is different. I still see him as that little boy that came to me with frogs he found. Of the little kisses and hugs I got when he was happy or going to bed. The man I last saw 2 years ago is a shell of the little boy I knew. The blue eyes so full of life and wonder were clouded over and devoid of anything. My boy who I thought I raised so well, has been in jail over and over and I had to deal with friends that saw him on television and the local papers for identity theft. And of course every day I hope and pray that I do not get a call that he is gone. That the evil monster Meth has finally taken the last it can from him and left him dead. I think of all the things I have had happen to me, going through this is probably the worst. Thank you so much for putting it all out there and letting others know they are not alone.

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