The 5 Stages of a Breakup and how to get through it (without losing yourself)
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I feel like I’ve experienced more heartbreak in my life than the average person. I’ve had a lot of failed relationships and I’ve never taken a breakup lightly. It doesn’t matter the reason for the breakup. It doesn’t matter who ended it or if the decision was mutual – it all hurts the same. Personally, I feel the most difficult thing about a relationship ending is never talking to the person again. Because, ya know, that’s how breakups go. It’s like losing your best friend. I’m in a happy relationship and I still feel a sting when I think of the people that I had to leave behind. I always say that relationships are like a death. You truly mourn the loss of a relationship.
These are the 5 stages of a breakup and how to get through them:
Stage 1: Denial
Sometimes you’re in shock. Other times you think the person is going to come back to you. Maybe you’ve spent your days trying to convince them that it will work (or trying to convince yourself). Sometimes you feel perfectly fine because it hasn’t hit you yet. It’s coming darling. Don’t deny it – just allow yourself to go through the motions. Feel everything that you need to feel.
Stage 2: Sadness
After we finally realize that, yes, this is happening you will be sad. Using the word sad seems to downplay it. You are likely to be hysterical, distraught, heartbroken, grief-stricken. You will cry, a lot. And that’s great! Cry it out. List to the saddest songs you can possibly find. Mourn the loss of someone you loved. It’s okay to do. Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed. Even if the relationship wasn’t the very best it’s okay to be sad. Just remember that you are enough and a breakup doesn’t define you. Sometimes people don’t appreciate the sun until it sets. No matter the reason for the relationship ending, you are someone who deserves love. I’m a big believer that everything happens for a reason. You might not understand it now but honey, I promise, you will get past this and you will be brighter and stronger than ever before.
Stage 3: Anger
Now the fun begins. You’re going to be very angry. You’re going to curse his/her name. You’re going to possibly want revenge – mainly if they broke up with you. You’re going to want to say very mean things to the person you love(d). My advice to you is to not contact them. Don’t post on social media about them. Don’t publicly badmouth them and don’t act out irrationally. What you can do is vent to your friends. Yell about them. Create a voodoo doll of him. Write him letters and burn them. Tear up the pictures if you need to! Shred the love letters. Throw a breakup party and pin the nose on clown of an ex. Do whatever you need it takes to get that anger out in a rational way. That’s always what I did. I bitched about my ex to my friends, but that was it. I didn’t need to blast it on social media or send them mean things. However, a goodbye letter for closure is a great idea!
Stage 4: Rebound
Don’t make the mistake of rebounding with someone else. You’re very vulnerable right now. You might want someone new to distract you. While it works for some, it’s usually a really bad idea. You’re searching for something in this new person that you will not find. They will not fill the gap that your ex left. They will help you to avoid your feelings, but when you’re lying alone at night or taking a shower alone – the pain will still be there. You could very easily break someone’s heart during this time. Trust me, I’ve been there – done that… way too many times! It never ended pretty. Usually I snapped out of it, broke their heart, and then asked myself, “What the hell was I thinking.”
Stage 5: A New Found Confidence
Now it’s time to love yourself again. All of the time and effort spent on your ex can be redirected to you. We typically neglect ourselves while in relationship, but you don’t have to anymore. Get a new haircut, start working out, buy a sexy dress, go on an adventure, travel alone. Get to know yourself again. I personally recommend a self-love book to really delve deep into the depths of your soul that you’ve been skipping around. Be single for awhile. I’m not saying to sign up for a Tinder account and go on 5 dates every weekend. I’m saying to enjoy yourself for once. Take yourself out. Do all the things you’ve ever wanted to do. Spend quality time with your friends and family. There will be a new found confidence that will completely your life. You will never want to settle. When you learn who you are, you’ll know exactly what you want in life and love.