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As women, we tend to judge ourselves harshly. I think that we judge ourselves more than anyone else ever will. We allow others to be who they are; we accept their flaws and embrace them. Yet, we constantly reject ourselves. I realized a few days ago that my mind is my own worst enemy. I tell myself things that I would never say to anyone else. I say things to myself that are really demeaning. It’s like I am mentally abusing myself and breaking my own spirit. Ever since I’ve recognized that I do this, I realized how much I do it. Then, I thought that there must be other women that do the same thing. I want to share these self-destructive phrases with you in hopes that together, we can recognize these and overcome them.
“I look like sh*t today”
It’s a rare occasion when I look in the mirror and think, “Wow! You look great today!” I look in the mirror and see my flaws. Calling them flaws is so ludicrous because who’s to say that I am flawed? I am me. I am not imperfect. I am an individual. I cannot be compared to anyone else in the world. My intricate details are what makes me who I am. The fine lines under my eyes are from my years of laughing. My grey hairs are from years of living and years of pain. I should be celebrating my individuality. Yet, just like most women, I’ve let society, the media, and other’s opinions affect how I see myself. It’s like I’ve let them talk me into thinking that I am not beautiful. 10 people could tell me that I am beautiful and I would only remember the 1 who said that I am ugly. My mind is completely warped from years of saying these self-destructing things to myself.
I should be saying, “I am beautiful because I am not afraid to be me. I look great every day because my heart is filled with more love than this world can handle. I am beautiful because I am a woman.”
“What’s wrong with me?”
This is one of the most self-destructive things that I ask myself. I compare my life to the lives of my friends. They are getting married, having babies, growing in their careers and I am sitting here writing a blogpost. I wonder why my life is moving so much slower than everyone else’s. I don’t know if I ever want to get married. Even as I typed that, I wondered why I think like that. I wonder why I am not like other women. Why don’t I have the motivation to cook and clean every day? Why do I feel like I don’t have a domesticated bone in my body? I beat myself up for missed opportunities, saying the wrong things, and making mistakes. I just want to be okay with who I am and not wonder what’s wrong with me.
I should be telling myself how wonderful I am. I should be picking out my strengths and putting them to good use. I should be okay with my weaknesses and not embarrassed by them. I should be saying, “This is who I am and I love it!”
“I am easy to forget.”
I think about this all of the time. I think about the people who left my life without looking back. I think about the people who ignore my calls, texts, and messages. I think about the people who say they miss me, but only when I say it first. I think about the friends that I used to be close to, that I don’t talk to at all anymore. It sucks to think that you are thinking of someone and that you never cross their mind.
I should be thinking that it’s their loss. I should be thinking that it is their decision not to talk to me. It’s their decision and I cannot do anything about it. I should not try to understand how someone feels or try to read their minds. I should be thinking about the people that do love me and make time for me.
“Am I making this person happy?”
I am a total people pleaser. I didn’t used to be this person. I used to say what I thought and expressed what I felt without second-guessing myself. I think I’ve lost myself somewhere in this self-destruction. I am so worried about people liking me or making a good impression that I am hiding the most admirable things about my personality. I’ve become so insecure with the woman that I am that I let other’s words and opinions control my own personal thoughts. I literally make myself sick worrying about whether or not I’ve offended someone.
I should be thinking about how happy I am making myself. I should be focusing on me. I should be so busy doing the things that I love that I don’t notice others judging me. I should be so proud of who I am that it makes others happy. If it doesn’t make them happy then I shouldn’t care. I am too busy worry about other’s opinions and feelings that I have completely neglected my own.
Every time I make a mistake. Every time I back down from an argument. Every time I get anxious… I tell myself that I am weak. I am weak because I am afraid of change. I am weak because I lack motivation. I am weak because I am emotional. I am weak because I sensitive. I am weak because I have anxiety. I am weak because I allow others to do things for me. I am weak because I am dependent. I am weak because I bite my tongue. I tell myself these things so much that I’ve become weak.
I should be telling myself that I am strong. I am a freaking warrior. I am a goddess. I am a damn woman with an opinion and a voice that has a whole lot to say. I am a shoulder to cry on. I am a friend to rely on. I am a motivator and an organizer. I am not weak. I am strong because I bite my tongue, because I allow others to do things for me, because I am not afraid to show my emotional and sensitive side. I am not weak. I am not a product of my environment. I am not what society wants me to be.
I am still on my soul-searching, mind-bending, journey to happiness. I’ve only been at it a week and I already feel myself changing. I have recognize my self destruction, which is a step in the right direction. If I ever think these negative things about myself, I say something positive instead. I repeat the “I should be saying” mantra in my head until the negative thought disappears. I can feel my soul being cleansed every time I do this. I am finally putting back the pieces that I’ve left shattered for so long. I hope you do the same.
What self-destructive phrases do you find yourself thinking?